I hated her
by Cougarfang15
Summary: Hawke muses on her feelings for the beautiful pirate, Isabela. Femslash implied. FHawke/Isabela Summary isn't that great, but the story is better.


**So I finally finished this story today because I had some spare time. I should probably be asleep right now, because I work early tomorrow morning, but I wanted to celebrate the fact that I think I'm finally over my writer's block! yayyy for inspiration.**

**Sorry if there is any grammatical errors. I usually do pretty good on it, but for some reason I kept switching between 3rd and 1st person as I was writing this as well as past and present tense. I think I fixed all of it though. :/  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the rights go to their rightful owners and I am not one of them.  
**

I hated her.

That laugh and carefree attitude ticked me off to no end. Every day I was forced to stare reality and stress down with the most series look that I could muster up and all she did was walk all over stress and reality. She did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted while I could do nothing.

It made me especially angry when we drank together. She would eye every decent looking guy and girl in the Hanged Man and half of the unattractive ones. She'd even invite them to her quarter's right in front of me. I could never do that. I'd be smooth on a girl, tell her a few pick-up lines and have her all over me before she would walk right up and give me that smile.

That infuriating smile which never ceased to make my ears burn and always caused me to give a goofy grin in response. The same smile that would make me go from a smooth talker extraordinaire to a babbling idiot.

And for some reason I could never fully grasp I was always _trying _to get that smile. Always telling jokes and trying to show off my strength and wit in battle. Because of course she couldn't be a dolt like most of the pretty girls I knew. No, she just had to have a wit that could rival my own, if not surpass it.

She just pissed me off so much.

"Are you alright Hawke? You seem… irritated lately. What's on your mind?"

I looked over at my trusty dwarf. No doubt he already knew why I felt the way I did. He was always around us. There was no way that it had escaped anyone's notice. After all, it was rather hard for anyone else to get the Champion's tongue in a knot and have her knees so weak that she needed to hold onto something to keep her steady.

I sighed and signaled the waitress over. I'd need another drink.

"I'm fine Varic. Just a bit winded from everything going on lately. All the letters I've been getting and all the fighting we do; I guess it just caught up with me."

He stared at me for a moment as I took a long sip and I frowned. He knew I was lying and he wasn't going to let me leave until I admitted it. Damn the dwarf.

"Listen, I know that you like her. I won't make you say it." I smiled softly in thanks, but he lifted up a hand to signal he was going to continue.

"We all know Hawke. We've all seen it. But you've got to be smart about this. I'm not trying to tell you what to do; I just don't want to see you hurt. She's not… a one girl kind of girl."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. It wasn't the first time I had received this speech about the woman nor would it be the last.

"Listen, I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing." The dwarf raised his eyebrow and frowned.

"Do you? Because it seems like you often forget when you're around her."

I glared at him and he raised both hands in surrender before standing up.

"Alright, come on now, don't give me that look. I'll quit preaching. Just promise me that you'll be careful around her ok?"

I nodded and he shook his head and sighed. As he walked away I sighed and leaned back in my chair, yet again waving the waitress over.

It was going to be one long night for me.

xxx

Her clothing irritated me to no end.

Every time I saw her she would always wear the most _revealing_ outfits. I wouldn't mind all that much if I was the only one who was looking, but that wasn't the case.

At least I tried to hide it when I looked as opposed to the men who would simply drool over her as we passed by in the streets. What kind of idiot would sacrifice his dignity just to stare at a girl?

I frowned. I probably would too if I didn't have a reputation to keep. The woman was simply drop dead gorgeous.

I watched as she smirked and winked at a shop merchant, no doubt haggling. She would get that blade down to the lowest sovereign possible haggling like that. The poor shopkeeper didn't even stand a chance. Not that I would fare any better than he.

I sighed and looked away when she began to laugh and softly put her hand on his shoulder. I stared at the many beautiful women in the market and scowled.

Why did none of them appeal to me as her? Why couldn't I just go after someone I had better chances with?

I took a deep breath and began to walk back to the Hanged Man. She would catch up whenever she finished with the poor merchant.

xxx

"I just expected better out of you."

I frowned at Anders words. Of course he expected better. They all did. They all expected me to be damn near perfect and make the best damn decisions because no one else could. I was still young dammit. I didn't need all this crap hanging over my head all the time. I sighed.

"I just wanted to _relax_ for a bit Anders. It's not like it was something absolutely terrible. Like you said, I take the ointment and it will just go away."

He rolled his eyes as I hopped off his little examination table.

"You spent over half your coin in the Rose! Why in Thedas would you do that? Have you lost all your morals?" He frowned and a sad look appeared in his eyes that seemed to create a disgusting guilt in my stomach. "You've changed Hawke."

I growled and snatched the ointment from his hand before storming out. Outside the clinic doors, Merrill was waiting. I walked past her without a word and she followed.

"Are you alright Hawke? I came to give some things to Anders but I saw you and I just didn't know that you were sick. You can always come to me if you're sick you know. I have plenty of old Dalish tricks to get rid of common colds. Though I guess Anders is more of a professional so I can see why-"

"Merril," I groaned and rubbed my temples in frustration. "Please just stop talking."

She blushed and stared and the ground, a little more than sad and I suddenly had the urge to slap myself. I turned to apologize but she had already turned and run off the other way, obviously crying. I silently cursed and continued walking to the Hanged Man. I was sure I could find cheaper company there than at the Blooming Rose.

xxx

I hated her way with words.

Her sharp tongue would always coax me into doing things that I just didn't want to do. She would smile that smile at me when I told her no, then she would laugh that stupid utterly _sexy_ laugh. I could hold out fine until she touched my skin with those fingers that struck down to my very core.

It wasn't just me she used them on either. Enemies, merchants, disgusting disgruntled patrons at The Hanged Man that she just _had_ to relax.

"What in the world is wrong with you?"

I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. The whole room was spinning and the light's just seemed far too bright to open my eyes. I could hardly make out the words of whoever was speaking to me.

"Get your lazy ass out of that bed and go apologize to Merrill right now."

I hissed at the voice. The words were so loud. It was as if the sound was bouncing around inside my ears.

"Sod off."

I heard a growl and my protection from the light was torn from my hands. I whined and turned to yell and threaten the source of the voice and the pillow thief but my jaw dropped and the words simply died before they even reached my mouth.

"Isabela."

My words came out a whisper and I could feel my ears start to heat up slightly. She looked angry at first then assessed me before raising a brow.

"Are you… hungover?"

I groaned and she laughed loudly.

"The great Champion is _hungover_? Oh this is absolutely rich."

She began going on about how astonishing it was that I could actually get a hangover and several things about what to do to get rid of it before I closed my eyes. The sound of her voice was oddly soothing when she wasn't yelling. I was almost asleep when she shook me again.

"Hey, get up and go apologize to Kitten." I groaned and buried my face into the mattress.

"Later."

I heard a frustrated sigh and I couldn't hold back my smirk. I heard some pacing then nothing but silence and I sighed happily. Maybe now I could actually sleep off this hangover.

Then I felt a tongue sweep across my neck.

My eyes flew open and a small gasp escaped my lips. Fear and excitement shot through my body and I instantly shot off from the bed. Isabela laughed and winked at me.

"Come now sweet thing," She started as she stood from her place next to me on the bed. "We have an elf to visit."

I groaned once again, aggravated with her, but she kissed my cheek and began sauntering off.

Begrudgingly I stood, turning to follow her.

xxx

I hated her when she was angry.

It made me want to go and tell her that everything was going to be alright, that whatever or whoever was bothering her I would go take care of it.

And I always did.

So when she was having an argument with Fenris and he really started to agitate her, I couldn't help but step in.

I was yelling and screaming back at him until both of us had to be held back. he finally left and I was taken home by her.

"What in the world would possess you to do something the idiotic? I mean really Hawke, I can fight my own battles. You don't need to stand up for me or anything it was completely unnecessary and utterly stupid and I… Thank you."

"Huh?" I lifted my head from my hands. We were both sitting on my bed.

"Don't make me repeat myself. You heard me. Quit being so… Insufferable."

xxx

I hated her eyes.

Those dark piercing orbs that seemed to see right through my entire being.

I hadn't paid much attention to them when we had first met. Eyes were eyes; why would I? The first time IK noticed them, however, I remember very well.

We were doing some simple work. Bandits on the Wounded Coast. After we slayed them and we were looting the bodies I had turned to say something to the woman about some loot I had obtained.

My words died before they even made it to my tongue.

Her eyes were dark, chocolaty brown. It seemed like a clear starry nights sdky was reflected in them even though it was obviously still light outside. They were warm and soft, hiding all the traces of her dirty, impure thoughts that were running through her mind (because they always were).

"You have beautiful eyes." I had blurted out.

I remember the shock that passed through her eyes before a soft, appreciative one replaced it. I remember the quick glances that everyone gave us before pretending they hadn't heard.

"Why thank you sweet thing."

That stupid heat rose up from my cheeks and infected my ears.

Those stupid, beautiful, starry eyes that made my heart thump like wild.

xxx

I hated her lies.

Lying to me about many things—little and big things. The relic was only one of her many things that she didn't tell the truth about.

She just lied.

I hated liars. I absolutely loathed when people didn't have the _balls_ to just speak the truth instead of twisting words and the like.

Well, unless it was a bandit or a similar criminal that we were lying to.

It wasn't just the relic though, but the fact that she was lying about many things.

Stupid things.

She would fib about the smallest things that there was no need to lie about. I confronted her and her answer was easy.

It was simply _fun._

I could see right through her lies too. After all, I'm also a rogue. I would stare straight into those eyes I hate so much and see right through the woman's fun.

But she insisted on lying anyways.

xxx

I love her.

Every time I hear her talk about the sea or we have an argument I'm reminded of how intelligent she is and how similar the two of us are. I'm reminded that she isn't a slut, and she has done many bad things in the past but she is a great person.

She is kind and compassionate as well as full of ambition and a great love of the sea. I've never seen someone pick a lock as fast as her or down some mead as well as she can. Her laugh is music to my ears and even though fear settles in the pit of my stomach as I turn to see her flirting with that elf over there in the corner I know that I'll be the one she'll be going home with tonight.

Because even though she probably hates me as much as I do her, I'm sure she loves me just as much.

**Well there you have it. A little rough around the edges, but I'm proud of myself. Read and review please, I love to hear thoughts. **


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